Upside Down and Backwards

Upside down and backwards. As you are reading this, you might be wondering, "What is this person referring to? Upside and backwards? What is upside and backwards?" Upside and Backwards is how things in life I'd found truly are. All my life, I'd thought that things were supposed to be cheery, happy, and somewhat easy going. I was sorely wrong. Alcoholics, abusive people, bad financial times, and worse can happen even among the upper middle class and rich people. I should know. It happened in my upper middle class family. You name it, my family had it. Lol. But, despite all of this, I also learned, in life, that you've got to be strong.

And so, I kept that stubborne spirit of mine, as head strong as my abusive brother, but in for standing up for what was right in life, not to tear down myself and others. My brother and I were so similar, not just in hobbies, etc., but in our stubbornness. The only thing, then, that had divided us was a sense of morals (I had them. He didn't). And because of that, as I went along, as best I could as though nothing was wrong, writing poetry and drawing to help me through it and through his abuse and other behaviours, I still got to see some of the wonderful things in life that were not as they seemed-that who you thought would stay abusive would not (my brother stopped his abuse, owned up to it, apologized, truly, and never did it, again, He was not one to ever apologize. But he stopped physical and other abuses, completely, sought counseling for himself, apologised, and is on meds, now, etc.). And I'd learned that who you'd thought was your best friend and lover truly was not, that no matter how hard you try in life, ill health can still happen and prevent good things in life from occurring, and that those you thought would stand by your side, truly do not do so. Plus, that sometimes, the one with whom you could see yourself won't be with you, after all. Yep, that drop dead gorgeous, model perfect beauty of a man who won't have sex with you no matter how hard you might plea with him that it makes you think he is gay, but he claims he isn't [(gay)] (tear my heart out, now, ladies, to save me from the mental, emotional, and physical torment of this situation (lol). ;) My point is that nothing seemed normal-in my life, anyway, but seemed normal in everyone else' (normal? What that? Lol).

Anyway, I've learned that nothing rarely is as we might perceive, want, or might have dreamt it to be. When I'd realised this, life seemed a little less bright. But, I know that despite all of this, I also know that those you'd least expected to be there for you, truly are (such as my brother who recently stated to me about that if I want him by my side while I go for my treatment, which threw me off cus I'd never known him to ever be that supportive to me, nor to anyone else, before. That had actually made me cry out of gratefulness and being moved by that support from him). And I also now know that we (human beings) are to keep on living, some would say because of hope that things might change, or as a friend of mine once said, "I keep going because I just do. I just have to." So, what's your reason for continuing on in life? Whatever it is, I pray for you that it is all wonderful. But, even if it isn't, just know that some are going through something similar and that there is always someone out there who does understand, plus that there are people who will listen if you just want to talk or need someone's shoulder to cry on (including me). Upside and Backwards... Believe me, I understand. And I'm here for you.
April Morone